Great job, guys! The gloves really came off! Whew! I must apologize for all mothers who let their daughters go into marriage without adequate preparations about s*x. Cut us some slack – we had it worse than you guys! The Songs of Solomon you guys referenced to But I really enjoyed listening to this conversation  about intimacy in marriage.  

• How has your understanding of intimacy been shaped by your upbringing or faith background?  
  Let me just say, we were raised in silence about s*x and intimacy. Our mothers had good intentions, but they were products of their generation, and many had never heard the term “intimacy” before. As a Christian woman, I was taught to respect God, my spouse, and my body, but no one ever defined what this meant in the bedroom. It took years to unlearn shame and accept God’s purpose for intimacy—holy, joyful, and intended to enhance connection. Not only did experience affect my understanding, but so did Scripture and grace.

• Why do you think patience and communication are so crucial when navigating intimacy in marriage?

       Intimacy is about understanding, safety, and trust. And let’s face it, everyone has different expectations, concerns, and experiences before getting married. While  communication creates the link between hearts, patience allows for growth. Even the best of intentions might result in dissatisfaction if those two are absent. However, intimacy turns from a silent battle to a shared adventure when you speak, listen, and show grace.

• How does friendship impact emotional and physical intimacy between spouses?

       The cornerstone of intimacy is friendship. It creates a sense of mutual safety, delight, and connection. The bedroom becomes an extension of that intimacy—not a chore, but a gift—when you laugh, weep, and live life together. In my experience, when you and your spouse are first and foremost true friends, you are more emotionally and physically attached, creating affection. 

• What does it mean to invite God into the journey of love and intimacy?

It means acknowledging that God is concerned about this aspect of my life. He created intimacy for covenant, connection, and pleasure in addition to reproduction. To invite God into my journey of love and intimacy entails praying with one another, asking for His wisdom in the bedroom, just as I would in my finances or parenting, and asking for healing where there is sorrow.  

@auntieminalive Sorry, 😆! I think what is important is that it’s never too late to start having the conversation.

I understand why there is a squeamish feeling associated with it. The Bible speaks about s*x and in most cases, the ones with monogamous marriages have a single line “and he knew his wife” or “he laid with her and she gave birth”. So intercourse was primarily meant for procreation… that is until you get to stories of Isaac, Jacob, Solomon, David, and Samson, that comfort and pleasure are a sanctioned part of intercourse. But with these men, chaos followed. 

When the Bible mentions s*x as good and pleasurable, it’s in Songs of Solomon but the teacher had 1000 wives and how many concubines 🫠. Maybe it’s “do as I say and not as I do” …

The next thought would be: So why would you need to talk about it with your unmarried child? (At least maybe that’s what the super Christians may have thought). And so to discourage the youth and single Christians from wandering down a path “without the proper license”, the Church doesn’t talk about intercourse.  

But if Christian elders don’t educate, the enemy of our faith will most certainly step in as a substitute teacher. If we are quiet on the subject, the enemy will gladly fill in the blanks. Not saying that we have to know all the answers or be explicit about it, but not talking about it does no one any good. 

The Church cannot be quiet about s*x during formative years and then start shouting about it in bridal showers and marriage counseling. It has to be a graceful and gradual talk from youth.